Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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