Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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