This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
