What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
