Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
