I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize