Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
