Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
