I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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