I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
