Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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