We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
