hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
