With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
