When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Randomize
