i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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