Screwed.edu
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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