I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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