apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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