please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
