Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
