i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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