I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
