mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
