You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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