just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
