So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In America we eat man semen.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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