i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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