I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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