3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
