You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
