The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
