i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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