OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
