I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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