Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
