She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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