Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
