I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
