how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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