I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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