Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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