so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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