I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
