Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
