you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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