Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
