Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
