I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
