i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
