fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
