This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize