My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize