U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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