If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
