Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
