is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
