you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
