if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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