he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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