that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
