Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
