I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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