I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
