Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize