Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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