god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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