a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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