I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
