butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You can't special order awesome
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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