We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
