how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
