i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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