6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
