wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Mom said you looked used
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
