Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize