i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
