I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
