i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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