The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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