Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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