I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
