sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
