The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
