He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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