I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this beer tastes like vomit already
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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