i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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