you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
