long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
