i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
