am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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