these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
