jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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