could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
