the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
