I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
