im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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