I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
