That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
