I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
