i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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