drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
