I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
