I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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