Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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