then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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