I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
