Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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