I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
im on a boat
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