I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
