I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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