I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
