laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
