I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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