Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
