your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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