Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
