I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
